Finding D.J., Chapter 4

Chapter 3 (Baseball)

The next morning, I was fine, except for a large blue bruise on my head. I still had coordination problems that morning and I wasn't so sure I could make it down the stairs. I dressed at an almost snail-like pace. I could hear everyone dowstairs at breakfast. Jason's door had a 'do not disturb' sign on it. I passed by and headed for the stairs.
"Whoa, whoa whoa," a voice exclaimed. "Where do you think you're going? I did tell you that you're not supposed to be alone in case of another tripping spree, didn't I?"

"No," I said quietly, reminding Jason to lower his voice. "You negelcted to inform me of that tidbit of information." We headed down the stairs; I lost my balance at least five times. Maybe it was my head, but it could have been the extreme gothic way that Jason dressed. I had barely noticed yesterday, but today, it was clear that Jason could be a gothic model if he really wanted to.
his gorgeous brown hair was slightly spiked; he had a tight shirt that emphasized every little muscle on his chest and arms; semi-tight black skinny leg jeans and black sneakers...the total revelation of a gothic god.

What?! Had I just thought that? Gothic god?

I shook my head and Jason noticed.
"Are you alright?" he said, his hand touching my arm.
"Yeah," I said, "fine."
"Okay," Jason replied, a little deterred.

We joined the cafeteria crowd. Jason, at my suggestion, detoured to Mike and Martin so that they wouldn't get the wrong idea about me. Of course, Jason took it a little too seriously and said that if Mike and Martin thought that we were going out, he would be happy to comply and make it the truth. One word rang sound through my body, making me feel nauseated and numb at the same time. I sat next to Erin, who was the only person who really knew what Matt had meant to me. And she knew because she had a crush on him at the same time.

"Danielle!" she said giving me a huge hug. She was sort of like Jason, but with black dyed hair, bangs, braids, tight white shirts, black pants ot mini skirts, and a couple of tattoos; she brought gothic to the extreme. If Erin could be in "NCIS", she would be Abbey - she would definately love that job.

"Hey," I said. I nodded to Mike, "Looks like you got someone's attention."
"Really? Do you think that Mike likes me?" Erin said, slightly annoyed.
"Yeah, I think he does. Does that bother you?"
"I don't know, he's just...too sweet," Erin said.
"Trust me, I know what you mean," I said quietly.

Erin lowered her voice.

"I think my brother loves you," she whispered.
"I think love is a little strong," I said, hoping that she was right.
"No, I think love is the right word - he practically drools over you."
"I honestly don't think I'm ready, Erin. I still...you know - feel like I'm some betraying bastard...every time I get close to Jason." I said it like she would know - know that I did like Jason, but my heart just wasn't going to allow it.
"He's not coming back...face it," she said. "I know I'm being harsh, but my brother's a great guy. And besides, he needs someone to shame him for how bad he treats himself."
"Really?" I said quietly. "How bad is he...really?"
"Really, really?" Erin said leaning in closer. "You probably don't know this, but Jason does a lot of things that no one can make him stop. He still writes suicide notes."
"How do you know?"
"I'm the one who finds them before he acts on them. I'm the one that hides them from his friends so that they won't know how bad he really is..." Erin's voice turned to pleading. "I don't think he can deal with another rejection, but don't tell him I said that...say you're extremely observant or something. He doesn't realize what it'd do to us...but I think you could help."

Erin and I stayed in silence for a moment, then started chatting about our day-to-day lives and how annoying everyone was. I didn't even notice when Jason appeared next to me.

"So, what are you two chatting about?" he asked.
"Our boyfriends," Erin said, winking at me. I smiled.
"Rar," I growled. Jason lauged and Erin's eyebrows shot up.
"Flirting!" Erin mouthed at me.
"Well, how are they going?" he asked nudging me in the ribs.
"Wouldn't you like to know!" Erin said with mock horror.
"Actually," he said, "I'd love to know. I bet Erin doesn't have one."
Erin put her hands up, "Guilty as charged; single as a glass bottle in the ocean."
"You know, there are thousands of glass bottles in the ocean by now," I said.
"I know, but I', never alone, so that works," Erin replied. "How about you Danielle?" Erin asked it so Jason wouldn't have to.
"Single," I said. "Single like a snake in the desert."
"Now that's an analogy that expresses lonliness," Erin said, serious.
"Well, you know the truth, Erin," I replied.
"Is there something I'm missing here?" Jason asked, just barely glancing at Erin, but keeping his intense green eyes on me. "Danielle?"
Erin looked at me, "You didn't tell him?"
I shook my head.
"What?" Jason asked, the anger clear in his voice.
Erin wet her lips, "Well, under the circumstances, I think this is a strictly private matter that I can't discuss without permission."
"Nice verbage, Erin," Jason said.
"Thanks," Erin replied. Jason nodded. He wrapped his arms around me and whispered, "Matt?"
I nodded and let him hug me for a while. He was warm and friendly...and my heart nearly broke from the sense of betrayal.

The morning passed by in a blur of boring talks and Jason and I passing notes back and forth. It was near the end of talks...

Are you going to tell me - like what we were talking about at breakfast? Jason wrote.
I liked his handwriting; it was neat.

I might, I wrote back. It's another one of those not-so-interesting stories, you know?

I figured as much.

Did you?

I did.

I might, if I get out of baseball.

You know you will...even if you don't want to.

Thanks for giving me the warning.

You're welcome.

That was pretty much the end of our note-passing frenzy. After another loathsome talk, Jason shuttled me off to the nurse's office. Nurse Helen looked up from her ten-ton pile of paperwork, a smile lighting her face at the distraction.
"Feeling any better Danielle?" she asked cheerily, though genuinely concerened.
I was about to open my mouth, but Jason talked over me.
"She's a little dizzy," he said quickly. "Can I have a pass for two?"
Nurse Helen saw that he had been playfully flitring with me earlier. Of course she got 'hints'.
"Sure sweetheart," she said, like a pill of poisoned sugar. Helen called up the Coach. Coach was a man who thought that sports were everything. If you coulfn't do sports, you were pretty much useless in his eyes. I had my fair share of fights over him trying to get me to be athletic. It still didn't work for him.