2 hours... 10 pages later...

Chapter 1 – Regrets

No explanations. No good-byes. That was the way I wanted to go. But I didn’t want to go. I had to think of people like Nathan and Erin who had kept some pieces of my world together.

But I did want to go. This would be the most important and last decision I ever made.

I sat on the edge of the bathtub, contemplating what Hamlet had contemplated: To be or not to be, that is the question. More simply said, suicide.

I thought of the good things that might counteract the bad: Nathan, Erin, my parents, my brother, Rob, my sister, Charlene. My countless friends would miss me terribly, or would they? Apparently, I had become a cynical depressed idiot with no future and no hope. I had caused them all pain. I wasn’t worth the love they put into me. The bad weighted down the good.

I sat on the edge of the bathtub, a knife in one hand and stared at my pale white wrist. The summer heat hit me and I shifted uncomfortably.

I made two slices on my left wrist.

Chapter 2 – Blood


Blood poured out of my body, down the white side of the bathtub, and down the drain. It was such a pretty red. I stared; fascinated that it was such a pretty color. Crimson; red; mahogany. Such a dark rich color.

I heard a door slam. I knew that I wasn’t alone now. I had to hurry this up or they would find me and stop me.

I made a third cut.

Someone ran up the steps and opened the door to my room. They knocked on my bathroom door.


Chapter 3 – Die

I wished I would die. Whoever it was knocked louder. They tried the door, only to find it locked.

“Delilah? You there?” It was Nathan, my best friend, my gentle giant. The door rattled under Nathan’s massive pressure. “Delilah, open up.”

The room faded and became unstable except for the sound pounding on my door.

I fainted when Nathan broke the door down.

Chapter 4 – Saved

I woke up on my bed. Since my dad was a doctor, I guessed we stayed at home. Where he could take care of his kid without letting the entire town know that his daughter was suicidal. Nathan sat by my side holding my hand in both of his. His eyes were red-rimmed. Another tear slid down his unshaven cheek. He looked up and saw my eyes open.
“Thank God,” he whispered, kissing my forehead. “Please don’t do that again. What would I do without you, bud?”
“You would survive, Nathan,” I croaked. “You always do.”
“I couldn’t without you, Delilah,” Nathan said, looking in my eyes. “I can’t bounce back without you. That’s why I came in the first place.”
I took his hand and squeezed gently, “What is it, Nathan?” The tears came pouring, but Nathan brushed them away. He straightened his broad shoulders. Always the big strong teddy bear. He would learn that we all had our weaknesses.
“Leah,” Nathan said slowly. “She’s been acting all funny and I don’t know why. Then, this morning, she told me that she needed to slow down. I got so angry, Delilah. It was either demolish a wall or come to you.” He laughed harshly.
“You’re not finished,” I said quietly.
“Am I?” Nathan asked. “I love her so much. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for Leah – why is she running away from me?” Nathan looked at me.
“Theory,” I said lifting my cut hand. Nathan nodded. “What if she’s not sure you love her? How many times in the last week have you told her you love her?”
“Not enough,” Nathan said, answering his own question. “Any other theories?”
“What if she’s not sure you’re the one? What if she wants to smell the roses before she decides you’re her Mr. Right?”
Nathan looked at me. “What if I’m not Mr. Right? What if I’ve wasted all my time waiting?”
“Honestly, Nathan, if you’re meant to be then you’ll end up with her. You have plenty of time. No need to rush.”
Nathan smiled and kissed my hand. “Thank you, Delilah. Thanks so much.”
“No problem, darling,” I replied.
“And please don’t ever do that. If you need someone, my cell’s going to me on. Don’t be surprised if I call.”
“Okay. Thanks for everything, Nathan.”

Chapter 5 – Explanations

This is my one-on-one talk with you, reader. This summer that I’m telling you about and the summer before it were the hardest summers of my life. Shall I tell you why?
My mother is really into volunteer work and offered me and my friends up as helpers at our Church’s camp for depressed or in-need teens. At camp, I met Matt Kriston. He was a drop-dead gorgeous heroine addict. He had so many problems. At first, our late night talks scared me – and then they didn’t. We talked and fell in love. I thought he was getting better.

He wasn’t.

Imagine my horror when I walked into his room that night. There was a note by his bedstand:
Dear Delilah,
It’s not your fault, darling. I’m not wroth it. I never was. I’m so so sorry. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I don’t want to ruin your future with mine.
Forgive me,
Matt

I was there when his heart stopped. Heroine overdose. I was never the same. Nathan and Erin knew what happened. But since then, I’d been plagued by nightmares of his cold, dead, white body. The haunting look of his glassy sightless black eyes. He haunted me like a ghost. I could hear him whisper that note in my ear – even when I was awake.
It’s not your fault… It’s not your fault, darling… It’s not your fault…

But it was my fault. If I had been there, I could have stopped him. I could have told him how much I loved him. Could have said how much I cared. But I didn’t. I watched Matt die in my arms. I told him to stay with me but he didn’t.
One of the most horrible things that summer. I kissed his cold dead lips and cried.
Even worse, if that’s possible, was the look his mom gave me. Matt’s stepdad brushed my shoulder hard when I walked past.
“Bitch,” he whispered.
I was going to let that slide, but when I looked back and saw the smug look on his face, something lit up.
“Excuse me, sir,” I said turning to face him. “What did you just call me?”
“I called you what you deserve to be called, devil,” he seethed. “You made him do this.”
“I did not,” I retorted.
“Oh really?” he asked, turning towards me, walking back. “Have you read the letters he sent us? I don’t think so.” He flung a pile of papers held together by a rubber band. They fell at my feet with an ominous thud. Matt’s stepdad stalked away, Matt’s mom sobbing into his shoulder.
I bent down and picked up the pack of letters. I held them close to my chest. When I went back to my room, I sat on the bed and cried as I read.

Dear Mom,
I would ask Dad, but he’s not here. What does it feel like to fall in love? I met this girl – Delilah Jones – she’s the prettiest girl I’ve ever met. She’s not afraid to talk to me, but I know that I’ll ruin her life. I don’t want to do that to her, she has a future; a real chance. I know that I can’t stay away from her. She’s just so amazing. I feel like overdosing just so that she can move on. I want her to live even if I have to die. I love you , Mom. Please don’t hate her. She made my life worth it.
-Matt

I really started sobbing then. Erin was my roommate and found me. She held me and rocked me to sleep. She made sure that she and I had the same classes in school. She listened to me. She saved me; stopped me; loved me.
I didn’t even know that it was her twin brother that would save my life.

Chapter 6 – Hope

“No, Dad,” I said quietly. “You can’t make me go back there.”
“I can and will, Delilah. You’re seventeen and still in my house,” Dad said while Mom shoved clothes into a suitcase. “Nathan, Erin, and Leah are going. You won’t be alone.”
“Dad, I’ll be going as a patient, not a volunteer,” I said loudly. “I’ll be the mental wreck that everyone makes fun of.”
“No you won’t,” Dad said taking my hand. “Delilah, honey, I love you, but this isn’t you. You need help.”
“Dad,” I said exasperated. “Camp is for drug addicts and people who are suicidal because their families are falling apart, not for a girl who’s sad about her boyfriend’s death.”
“You expect to tell me that what you did back there isn’t disturbing?”
“Dad!” I yelled. “I was trying to end your pain. All I’ve done is caused you pain. I’m the disappointment here.” Dad looked in my eyes. I watched the tears come.
“Oh, Delilah,” Mom said fiercely. “How could you say that? We love you. We just want you to get help.”
I just held my tongue. I hurt them by telling them that I was worthless – but what else was I? Certainly not pretty or graceful. Nor funny, nor thoughtful. You could hardly call me sane.
Dad turned to me. “I hope you’ll get better. All I can do is hope now.”
Hope. I had a single glimmer of hope when I held that knife. Hope. I had hope to end my family’s pain.

Chapter 7 – Car Ride

Nathan picked me up that Saturday. Nathan helped me into the car.
“Leah only came for you,” he whispered. His eyes pleaded.
“I’ll talk to her,” I whispered.
He mouthed “Thank you” to me.
I sat in the back seat with Erin. Leah’s brother, Mike, and his friend, Martin, sat with the luggage in front of us. In the front, Nathan was driving with Leah on the passenger’s side.
Erin hugged me, but was disrupted by her cell phone.
“Hello?” she asked.
“What the hell did you do to my car, Erin?” a voice shouted.
“Hi, Jason,” she said winking at me. “I only stole your key and replaced it.”
“You are the foulest twin ever!” he yelled. “Where am I going to sit?”
“In back,” Erin replied. “I’ll sit on Delilah’s lap and you can sit next to us.”
“Are you trying to hook me up… again?” he asked.
“Shhh, not so loud,” Erin said while I gave her a look. “Delilah here looks happier than you sound.”
Nathan had by now started driving back towards Erin’s house. He stopped by a car that was on the street and the guy next to it. If I expected someone like Erin, I was wrong. Very deeply wrong. Jason had spiky brown hair and dazzling green eyes. His eyes flashed as he dumped his luggage in the car and climbed into the back seat.
“Hey, Jas!” Erin said sliding to sit on my lap.
“Hello, O Annoying One,” he replied sourly. Jason buckled his seat belt and turned to Erin with one eyebrow raised.
“Oh! Jason, this is Delilah Jones,” she said quickly. “Delilah, this is my annoying brother, Jason.”
Jason held out his hand and I shook it.
“I didn’t even know you had a twin, Erin,” I said quietly. Hason cocked his head at me.
“You’re in my English class, aren’t you?” he asked in a quiet rich voice.
“I don’t know, you’re in Mrs. Cellars?” I asked “Fourth period?”
“Yeah, she can be a pain, Mrs. Cellars,” he said rolling his eyes.
“She’s okay to me, but I like English,” I replied.

I spent the rest of the ride there listening to Erin and Jason argue about his car.

Now tell me [this applies to everyone, but Olivia] that this isn't awesome. I even added some color for emphasis.

You'll be getting two poems and some Forbidden Fruit... Good Luck.

All my love,

Asiat